Never Stop

Life is good, kids are great, what more could a person want...I am relieved that my boy is working still, he's on the last rig, that hasn't and by the looks of it won't be shut down. He may not get overtime, but is working. I sure wish he lived closer, I miss him. I would love to be able to drop by his house, and bug him and his girlfriend! Elaine and Shirley stopped by yesterday, and we chatted. It was a nice visit. I am concerned for Shirley, she doesn't seem to want to fight anymore(she also has reoccurring breast cancer). She's tired, and all I wanted to do was shake her and say Never Stop! Never stop fighting, but I have been hearing this more and more, once the "system" is done with you, a person is drained...sucks the life outta you. It makes me soooooo angry, I just want to scream! I know I will never stop fighting, but I also know my fight is over. I just have to appease the "system" and everyone that thinks that it's the only way. I won't ever go back to the way I use to eat, and old bad habits....I honestly don't think I could. I like the way food tastes now, and the challenge of trying new things all the time. I'm slowly changing over products which I don't eat for more pure, organically grown,non refined, for the rest of the family. It is a little more expensive, but no one eats meat here anyway, so that makes up for it. No drive through, which saves a ton of money every time we go into Penticton. At least what they eat is a better choice of food, and that is the best thing I can do for them. I have that stupid song in my head...the weather outside is frightful......

Chin up

I am feeling better today, it's amazing what lots of rest does for a person! My feet are still very sore, but keeping them cold helps a lot. My mom phoned yesterday and somehow just made me feel better. I go into oncology again next week, and will find out more information on how long I have to do this, so I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I only have one more dose of the pills and then can heal for the next week. I will talk to my doctor about not increasing the dose, I can barely walk now, I can't imagine what I will feel like if they up the dose.
I had a good talk to Sarah last night, and she was feeling better within an hour. Trying to explain to a 10 yr old, that a person can't just succumb to feeling yucky , and finding the strength to fight all the way, was actually harder than I thought it would be. She was all happy and healthy this morning with no sore throat or tummy ache...it was amazing. She is such a great, strong soul, and I sure love her. I think she just wanted to be here, to "watch" over me. Sooooo, chin up, carry on, and be happy! Another day to enjoy.....

OUCH

Today and tomorrow, then I have a week off, and the timing is right. I need the next week to heal up as good as I can....my feet feel like someone has peeled all the skin off and I have to walk on a bed of nails! I can't sleep and my bones are aching. It's weird, I have the energy levels, but the pains just seem to.....have it caged somehow. I am worried that some patterns are returning to this household, and I know I can't just sit back and let them happen. I guess I'm just not wanting to go through this again and am feeling sorry for myself. I want my mommy..silly I know but I do. I am so frustrated. I know I'm not expected to do anything and could just sit down, relax and heal, but I don't have that in me either. I refuse to just "sit back". I have a house to run and kids to look after. I just want to bawl. This sucks so bad! I am sad, mad, happy and thankful all rolled up into one. I hope or maybe even know that this fight in me is enough to get me through again.
Another concern right now is Sarah..she seems to be having all the symptoms I have. I've tried telling her that this is part of the healing process, but she is mimicking my pains. I don't know how else to ease her mind...she will make herself sick if she keeps making herself think she is. I am very concerned, and will focus on this today. I will take her back to the doctor, and see if Sarah could maybe talk to someone about how she feels about all this. I don't want to dismiss her pain, and will have her thoroughly checked, but her mental state needs some healing as well.
I also am so thankful for the friends I have, who are silently watching, waiting to help( you know who you are). Thank you, and I will not shut you out this time.... ;) ...

I am pretty sure that the feeling of weakness and being tired are from the caps chemo pill. I woke up this morning with sore feet, like I've been walking across the countyside. Doug reminded me last night that these were the same side effects I had before, minus the sore feet. I have to take the pills until Friday, but I'm not looking forward to the next round when they up the dose. I'm also finding my vision is poor, fuzzy, and can't focus well. I don't think they should up the dose, I have a house and a family to take care of. All I can do is take it day by day, and make myself know this is the last time, and I will be 100%.
I need to make a pot of vegetable soup today, try to make easy meals, I didn't want to do anything last night, and sure would have enjoyed some soup. It's so hard sometimes when everyone else can just grab something, and I can't. I have to learn how to shop, so I always have stuff in the cupboard for myself, and items that everyone can enjoy...still figuring that out...this is definetly a life long challenge!

One of those days...

It's snowing, I have spring fever so bad that when I saw the snow, it made me cringe. I didn't sleep well last night, I'm finding my bones feel like twigs and there is an elephant sleeping on top of me. I don't know if this is from those pills or something else. Yesterday was a quiet day, it was a little disappointing, but I guess when you've been with someone for a long time, and being busy just takes the fun out of it. I am feeling like I'm going in circles, and don't know if I can stand not working. I need something, I just don't know what right now.
It will be a good day, I just need to remind myself how lucky I am to have a beautiful family, wonderful friends, and support coming out of my ears! It's just one of those mornings.....

PH and Valentines day

A lady I was introduced to (Lila) is my pH guru. She has gone through the same medical challenges as I am dealing with right now. She introduced the use of greens, pH, water and the importance of them all. When I first met her about 3 weeks ago, she gave me some pH tape to check my pH level in my urine(which is done first thing in the morning). My pH level then was 5.8, completely acidic! I think it was off the chart, but have no idea what the reading was. Anyway that was not good! I have been drinking her water, when I have it, eating greens at breakfast lunch and dinner, and still following the no sugar, meat, sauces, or preserved anything! I checked my pH level this morning and it was at 7.0!!! WOW! It CAN be done, it took me 3 weeks to get it there, and the feeling of accomplishment is grand! This is the best valentines day ever.....Whoopee! I will Not eat any chocolate today, well at least not the stuff in the boxes...I can make my own treats using unsweetened chocolate, stevia powder and whatever else I put in...haystacks are my favorite, and taste great when I get the sweet tooth pounding at the door.

Bring on the Spring!

As I watched t.v. last night I was angry at the commercials. They advertise all these dinners that are full of sugar and preservatives....holy crap! For example, some guy is looking for meat, potatoes, vegetable and dessert....the vegetable is corn, and I was thinking to myself, how can they say that is a good meal to eat! Protein, starch, and sugar....mmmmm mm. No wonder the nation is full of unhealthy people! Our kids grow up watching these false advertisements, and are filled with the wrong information.
I missed taking my pills on day 5, the evening dose. I really noticed the difference yesterday, my stomach was upset again, but I also had a nasty sore throat and was very tired. I need to go out for a walk, but hate the cold. I want to join the yoga class here, and need to look into that today. I am not one to sit at home and walk on a treadmill or join an aerobics class. I am looking forward to the spring when there is always so much to do there isn't enough time in the day!

Here we go....

I was thinking that I wasn't going to have side effects from this pill, but have noticed that when I eat now, I get a sick feeling in my stomach. I also was sitting chatting with my parents yesterday, and had a weird experience. I felt hot in the face and started seeing little black things floating around and dizzy. That I think is either low blood pressure or low sugar. I have to start carrying snacks around with me, to make sure I don't get hungry. It's really hard to go anywhere, because you can't just grab a snack, everything is riddled with sugar. So I guess the hunt will be on for snacks I can throw in my purse and eat whenever.
When reading some Cancer support material yesterday I came across a statement, it said;"When you have secondary breast cancer it means that your cancer can be treated but it can't be cured". I cried, then I just got mad. Who can say that when I have met people who have been cured! Why would you write something like that and not back it up with statistics?! I am mad and scared and plan on watching my girls grow up!!!! Statements like this are extremely uncalled for! I will not be going to any Cancer sites again. I refuse to let this kind of sentence bring me down, I am going to be one of those non statistical people, who live strong, long lives!

eat to beat

As I sit here this morning, I am realizing how lucky I really am. The support I have is astronomical! Everyones concern fills my heart. I am on day 3 of the chemo pill, and am wondering why it's so easy. I haven't had any side effects yet, and am still feeling great. I had fun yesterday creating new meals for my family. I get really excited when my "picky eater" daughter likes the food I prepare. Well one out of two isn't bad. I have also found my youngest daughter, Christine is eating much better also. It's amazing how effortlessly they can change. I think this is the most important thing I will ever teach my children. How to eat, to beat.... any future problems, how important food is, and what we do to our bodies. I've always told them they need to eat their meals, but in all honesty I don't think sitting down and watching a movie together and pigging out on chocolate and chips was a very bright idea. Everything happens for a reason, and I won't miss the boat this time!
I am suprised that I don't have any side effects, it's like you wait to see what will happen next. I actually find myself ignoring my own body and it's cues. This is a transition in itself...learn to listen and respond what you really already know and what your body is telling you.

So Far, So Good

It will be another beautiful day. Day 2 on these pills, and no noticable side effects. My new diet will help me make it through this phase. I'm doing everything I can to keep my chin up. A friend of mine sent me a little video on U-tube, called the secret to you...I try to watch that every day, I find it calms me and gives me strength and peace. I love my mornings just to sit quietly and read my mail, check everything out on the internet and do more research.
I know I have already beat this, and now will enjoy the coming of spring. I plan on using all my flower pots for herbs, and do have to really plan my garden. I'm already wanting peas....I love peas... I think I should plant a couple of flower pots in the house that way I could get some going right now...hmmm..yes I think I will.
I am going to see what the girls want to do today, it's always an adventure...

Defeated

I feel empty, blah, and totally defeated. I have to go back to oncology today to get an ex-ray and the chemo pills. I explained to her that I'm on this diet, she said, "that's fine". I told her I'm not doing chemo, that I just wanted 3 months to get better. She said, "well then it could be to late," and there won't be anything we can do your cancer is too agressive." So there it is in a nutshell. I don't know about anyone else but that works on me. My oncologist explained why all these blood tests didn't show anything, because they weren't even checking my "markers" they were checking my white blood cell count. So how come they can say, " clean bill of health" when it's NOT! THIS SUCKS!
I am sticking to my new lifesyle, no matter what, because I know that is the way to heal myself. I will take these stupid chemo pills, until they make me sick, then (if I can grab some balls) I will stop taking them! I will do anything and everything to be 100%, except kill my own cells. The doctors said that they didn't find anything else and the fluid surrounding the tumor was clean from cancer cells. Capecitabine...hmmm, if I remember correctly, if you can't pronounce it, don't put it in your body.... I lose this round.....I am sooooo mad at myself...

The Day

Good Morning,
Well this is the day I've been waiting for, for a month...I'm feeling apprehensive about my trip to the oncologist. Even though I know what she will tell me, I guess in the back of my mind all I want to hear is, we've made a mistake, it's not mestastisis breast cancer. I don't know what to expect when I tell her that I am not doing the chemo and radiation. I am taking with me another therapy plan,(the scientifically formulated amino acid therapy) which I would be willing to do. The chances of her even knowing about it are slim, but I have taken the time to download and print the physician information. It's weird, I can feel the "fog" rolling into my brain...I guess because I just don't want to hear it. I've always been a passive person, who will avoid conflict at any opportunity. This is the biggest conflict and most important. It seems no matter what I do, or tell myself, there is always that nagging at the back of my brain, "what if", and "why didn't I"....I know that I have to be positive...I know...but still it is there. Will it always be there? I suppose it will, which will be good because I will still be here to hear it.

taking charge of my cancer

Welcome to my blog, I have never done anything like this before, but I have something to say. I had been diagnosed with breast cancer in 2007. I was 40 years old, with a 2 year old and a 8 year old. I have an older son, but is not at home. The surprise or shock or whatever you may call it, I'm sure there are many other people who felt this way, turned me into a brainless idiot. I asked very few questions, let the health care system and "experts" lead my 'recovery'. I had a mastectomy of the left boob, chemo and radiation.
It is now Feb 4th/09, I just had a complete hysterectomy, and will be seeing my oncologist tomorrow. I have Metastasis breast Cancer.

So now what? Well I've spent the last 4 weeks recovering from the operation, and have done nothing but research in this area. Diet, lifestyle, water, what we put on out skin each day to make us softer or smell better....bodily energy....you name it I have probably looked it up. This is my own personal gut feeling and educated opinion:

#1. CHANGE WHAT YOU EAT!! This I cannot stress enough! Raw Raw Raw veggies, fruit, NO REFINED SUGAR, NO MEAT(unless organic), NO SAUCES, ANYTHING THAT SAYS HYDROGENATED
anything that goes in affects how your body works.
#2. LISTEN TO YOUR OWN BODY!!! Don't let anyone else decide what you will do with it..
#3.DRINK WATER, now I've started using water with a higher ph...but you can check
this out on your own, Dr Young and ph...


Now I'm angry, because not one person told me the first time to eat differently, or try drinking more water, there was nothing said about diet or lifestyle, I was just another Cancer victim... no one sat me down and said do you know you can try to make yourself better by trying a new way of life!

I believe I can make myself better....I have found the Budwig diet works for me, with some ph water, proper rest and trying not to stress over this! I have found many sites and doctors all over the world that swear that the only way to not be disease ridden is to fix your own cells first...how come our medical system is more concerned with pumping horrible toxins into our bodies and kill off "cancer" cells AND our 'healthy' cells too!!!!Of course we know why...MONEY!

This is by far the hardest thing I've ever done in my life...I'm eating for my life!!

I want 3 months to prove that I can cure myself...I have too much to live for!!!