The Day

Good Morning,
Well this is the day I've been waiting for, for a month...I'm feeling apprehensive about my trip to the oncologist. Even though I know what she will tell me, I guess in the back of my mind all I want to hear is, we've made a mistake, it's not mestastisis breast cancer. I don't know what to expect when I tell her that I am not doing the chemo and radiation. I am taking with me another therapy plan,(the scientifically formulated amino acid therapy) which I would be willing to do. The chances of her even knowing about it are slim, but I have taken the time to download and print the physician information. It's weird, I can feel the "fog" rolling into my brain...I guess because I just don't want to hear it. I've always been a passive person, who will avoid conflict at any opportunity. This is the biggest conflict and most important. It seems no matter what I do, or tell myself, there is always that nagging at the back of my brain, "what if", and "why didn't I"....I know that I have to be positive...I know...but still it is there. Will it always be there? I suppose it will, which will be good because I will still be here to hear it.